Breathe, and Re-boot

comments: 116


Whew, well, I learned a lot yesterday. In the afternoon my niece came over. As we played together, and read, and sat on the front stairs in the late sunlight and watched the acorns fall, I felt some heavy tension I'd been carrying around for a few months leave me, finally. In the wake of my bad behavior and subsequent public hissy, I squeezed back out of this little dark space I'd been in — Phhhhbloop! — and slowed down, and saw things more clearly than I had in a while. Thank you for sharing all of the perspectives and stories in the comments yesterday, even the ones that stung. I could appreciate all of them. I was needing to hear it all. I did go back to the Super Cuts to drop off a note for the guy, and they said they would get it to him. I'll be paying that one forward, a check I'll happily write. Audrey did not raise me to act like such a jerk, to anyone, so I am anxious to do better.

I see the blessings today, as I do most days, almost all days. But it seems like it's the bad days, when you can't remember to see the blessings, when all you can do is feel jipped and jagged and raw — it's those days that put the good days, and all the good things, so sharply into perspective. Those days humble me completely, and renew all my most sincere intentions to be grateful, and kind, especially to strangers, as so many more than I deserve have been kind to me.

Breathe, reboot. On we go.


so glad you're feeling better, miss a!

we all love you...even those that have never met you!

buck up, buttercup!


That's a good idea, with the note..I think he'll understand; we've all had days like that..Also, can I just say that I love everything about that picture, but especially the cups on the hooks..

and so, the bad days are a blessing as well to make us appreciate the good ones even more... to hold them close and savour them...

Hi Alicia, I have read your blog for a bit now & I have cried & laughed & sighed along with you. And, although I usually don't leave a comment - I want to be sure to say thank you. Thanks so much for so honestly & eloquently putting into words - all that you have been through. As I had to say goodbye to my little love - my cocker spaniel, Korby - last year, your words have helped my heart heal even further - even now. . .
On the up side - I did also get another pup - after a bit (I couldn't stand not to have the snuggles & love!), & my heart is so happy for what you have coming. . . Get ready! . . . the love will overwhelm you! . . . But then - I think you know that.
xo. (& some xo for that soon to come - new little wet nose. . . )

Very well said. I don't think I would realize how good the good days really are without a few bads ones in there to put things into perspective again. Thanks for reminding me :o)

I am afraid there is no such thing as more good than you deserve, lovely one.
In out up down all around is right where we are :)

Soon after losing my beloved dog, someone told me to expect a year of firsts, a year of hurting and a year of healing. It certainly lasted more than a year and continues sometimes daily, but the sweet memories sweeten with time and the pain never really goes away, but it lessens. I know this isn't anything different than everyone else has said, but it's so true. How delightful that you can realize, even now, that if Audrey were witnessing your behavior, she'd be puzzled indeed. I'm sure this guy will understand when he gets your note, and you've set a lovely example with your heartfelt apology.

*Audrey did not raise me to act like such a jerk* I LOVE that line.

I am so proud of you! Thank you so much for leaving him the note. No telling what kind of good karma ripples you have set forth.

I am sorry that you had to learn the lesson but I thank you for sharing it so that we could all learn it too.

Good work! We all need to stop and think on days when the blessings aren't so obvious.

I love the mugs on your wall!

Tracey Chesley says: September 20, 2007 at 01:08 PM

I'm having one of those nasty days today. An hour ago I was sobbing and throwing things around my basement with some pretense of cleaning...all because of a meeting that didn't go so well this morning. I love reading your blog. You're a real person and the thoughts you share are ones many of us have every day too.

Thank you!

It’s amazing, but that old cliché is true… What a difference a day makes! I am glad you are feeling more yourself today.

Oh we all need a reboot every once in a while.

A few years ago I had an experience that cemented for me the notion that everything I do has consequences. I was waiting for a plane, with a bad toothache that was making me miserable. In the waiting room there was a guy sitting right across from me that was smoking, and I snapped at him about the non-smoking sign. I immediately felt bad, esp from the shocked expression on his face, and I subsequently noticed that the non-smoking sign was far from clear-to-understand.

Well, a few minutes later we were all on the plane, and who was I seated next to? You guessed it. Mr Smoker. I apologized profusely, explained about the toothache. He was really sweet, forgave me and offered me half of his sandwich.

That day was a big lesson for me. Yes, I certainly could be excused for being 'snappish' under the circumstances, but that didn't mean that I wasn't hurting people with my behavior.

On an positive note, yesterday I gave the bus driver a dollar less than I should have, and he quietly told me to forget it. He let me get on for half price. It's a little thing, but I can't believe how much I appreciate it. That a stranger could do that for me :)

Can I just say that is the most beautiful photos I have seen on your blog?

Awwww! The note is a terrific gesture. =)

If ever another morning dawns like that, I hope you can have the luxury of just staying in with sweet memories of Audrey. <3 <3 <3

Beautiful picture, beautiful post, beautiful you...

Cheering you on from the sidelines...


you have such a beautiful outlook on the universe. even on your down-in-the-dumps days. beautiful, really. and thank heavens for the power of a deep breath.

I've just read some of yesterday's comments, and I've remembered once hearing about a man who was riding in a subway car, that contained two very noisy kids that were running around and ruining everyone's chance for a peaceful ride home. The man addressed the kids' father, who appeared completely unaware of his kids' behavior. "Don't you have any control over your kids? They're ruining the ride for the rest of us!" It took the father a while to take in what was being said, then he responded that his wife/the kids' mom had just died and they were on their way home from the hospital.

That really makes me try to consider what others are going through. I heard this story several years ago, and yet it's still potent for me. I thought about it at least twice this week when in the presence of badly-behaved people.

You never know; maybe 'your victim' did understand on some level that you were hurting, and that he shouldn't take it personally. At any rate, he'll have your apology by now. I'm proud of you for that :)

Your outlook on life is truly inspiring, Alicia. Because you are so open about things, I think you make the rest of us feel a little bit more normal. :)

if only everyone took the time to make apologies, the world would be the kind of place we all hope for.

We all make mistakes. What marks us is how we handle them. Well done.

That is the most charming photo I have ever seen! It looks straight out of the 50s! Your aesthetic is always so beautiful and inspiring. I enjoy your blog every day, but I've never left a comment. We share so many common interests, sometimes it freaks me out! There is just too much I'd love to write to you about, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm grateful for what you do!

Thank you for the honesty on your site, and please don't be too hard on yourself. I have sympathy for what you are going through... I'm suffering with mild depression these days and sometimes I can't control when the "rotten mood" will hit, but it's the thought of the good things, good times, the small & large surprises, that keeps me going.
That and knowing that my beloved 18 mo. old niece smiles every time she sees me. Her smile has saved me from many a rotten mood. :-)
Keep remembering the good, and the bad will soon pass. It works for me every time.
I'm sending sending you positive karma via the cosmos! And please let us know then the book is out... I can't wait to get a copy!

I'm glad you feel better.

Love the photo - love how your neice's dress matches your kitchen decor so perfectly.

I haven't been able to comment since Audrey passed on, the pain my heart felt was just too immense. My doggle is my first and I can't imagine her suddenly not being there without crying. I've been told I'm overly sensitive more than my fair share of times!

I just want you to know if the world was just half as lovely as you it would be a far better one.

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About Alicia Paulson


My name is Alicia Paulson
and I love to make things. I live with my husband and daughter in Portland, Oregon, and design sewing, embroidery, knitting, and crochet patterns. See more about me at