My Christmas-Movie Screenplay Plans

comments: 118

Boyfriendforchristmasimage

I've almost convinced Andy to write a Christmas-movie screenplay with me. Not an awesome movie like Elf, or Prancer, or The Family Man. But a made-for-TV one (what's not awesome about these!) like Boyfriend for Christmas (pictured above), Christmas Do-Over, or Holiday in Handcuffs. I've told him that it's easy: All we need to do is pick out and incorporate about ten of these Christmas-movie must-contains and we'll be set:

A character named Holly, Mary, Merry, Chris, Kris, Christy, Kristin, Nick, Nicholas, Rudolpha, Carol, Noel, Noelle, or some diminutive of Ebeneezer.

A widow.

A widower.

An orphan.

A soldier, sailor, or marine.

A homeless person who is, it is suspected, actually Santa/God/an angel.

A soup kitchen.

A workaholic corporate suit who schedules meetings on Christmas Eve and has clearly forgotten the reason for the season.

A cottage industry/family business in danger of being put out of business by big-box store/urban development/greedy coporation.

A character who pretends to be someone else.

A blizzard that knocks out all forms of transportation or communication.

Two characters who hate each other forced, by the blizzard, to spend the night in a cabin with no utilities and who wind up in love by the next morning.

A stinky, drunk department-store Santa. Who hates kids.

Someone in a Santa suit who stole something who is now being chased by a hundred other people in Santa suits. Through Manhattan.

Santa who falls ill/is too old/has lost hope, and Christmas is in danger of being cancelled.

Santa's son or daughter who must take over his job reluctantly, or with difficult conditions (must marry today by midnight, e.g.).

A child who knows more than all of the adults combined.

Stupid adults.

Toy freak out: not enough toys, wrong toys, toys lost, toys not able to reach their destinations.

A character who absolutely hates Christmas due to some past loss. Loss occuring around Christmastime.

A character who loves Christmas when everyone else around him/her hates it.

Overworked elf. Lazy elf. Cranky elf. Naive elf. One nice elf.

A character who returns home to find that things have changed. And, in a weird way, stayed much the same.

A character, unlucky in love, who returns home to find their high-school sweetheart conveniently unmarried.

A deer. Could be reindeer. Could be Rudolph.

Miracle snow.

Right? Now, which ten, which ten . . . Hmmm.

118 comments

Wonderful! Yes, please. I'll buy a ticket, or several, for that!

All I can say is, "HA! You're too funny."

lol. I LOVE those sappy Christmas movies!! Aren't they the best?! you know what is going to happen most of the time,but they are still fun :-) I hope you have a super wonderful day!! hugs!! Britt :-)

Your list is quite thorough! If Andy wont write it with you, I will. I've got a degree in screenwriting and everything :D

I must insist that someone gets something stuck to a frozen surface a la 'A Christmas Story'

You make me laugh. I love all the cheesy made-for-TV movies at Christmas. A good cry or laugh helps to relieve some the holiday stress.

Omigosh! I guess I'm in good company. This year, I am watching the Hallmark channel and ABC Family quite liberally. As opposed to previous years, when I have been too sophisticated..... All the mentions in Alicia's old posts worked on me, I suppose... I'm so glad to have discovered Alicia and her community--did anyone else hear the NPR story today about the study psychologists are publishing on the "contagion" of Happiness? Alicia, without a doubt, you must be a blip on the CDC demographic map with all the positive influence you (and Andy and Audrey and Clover Meadow and Bridget and Violet and your niece)have had on sooooooooo many people. Speaking of your influence reaching far and wide, since I was unable to listen to the Sirius Martha Stewart interview broadcast, and have had no luck finding archives on the websites, Martha and Sirius, do you know of any way to hear a recording of that interview? Can you link a podcast for us or something? I'm dying to associate an audible voice with your literary voice and your photo.
And finally, my input for tv movie: resurrect and remake in modern duds the old story of the poor newlyweds in hard times, where she sells her hair to buy him a watch chain, and he sells his watch to buy her antique combs for her long, lovely locks---throw in an orphan, a curmudgeon, and a lost pet and you'll have a winner!
Maybe the watch and the combs can have mystical powers that enable time travel and resolve a long-lost ill-fated love story a la "Somewhere in Time", and the plot can be stretched to a 3-night Mini-Series! With a singing Baritone Irish priest (who is the successor to Bing Crosby?) and a bitter old miser with a long-lost child who always thought the missing parent was dead! And a lonely widowed farmer in danger of losing his farm, when a graduate student who boards with him creates a "farm camp" opportunity for juvenile delinquents, restoring his dilapidated property, while introducing him to a feisty new love interest! Wild mustangs will be rescued, runaways will be re-united with grateful families, and artsy types will follow their dreams and create beautiful, miraculous objets d'arte at great risk, and to the delight to the wealthy patrons of the arts, and landmark buildings will be restored into museums, libraries, restaurants and affordable elderly housing. And all homeless people will have a home for Christmas.......Sigh

I had to break blog reading silence to share that, while watching the Comcast upcoming cable scroll a few years ago, your featured holiday film was abbreviated to read "A Boyfriend for Christ" which has so many more fabulous holiday spirit/life-lesson possibilities...

My gosh, I laughed out loud at this one. I'm still thinking about whether or not you left anything out. But I don't think you did. Ah, it is all so cliche...but I love all the movies just the same!!

Too funny...I think it will be great on either the Hallmark Channel of ABC Family.

Heh - that reminds me of our favorite ways that TV likes to "spice up" Santa and his workshop: they take the magic out of it and instead show how Santa and his elves rely on fancy gadgets and technology to keep Christmas going.

laughing too much to think straight

This is so hysterical because it is so very true. Thanks for the laugh.

Alicia, you are cracking me up. I haven't laughed this hard in a while. Who knew somebody who creates such nice, pretty crafts could be so freakin' hilarious.

You could probably make your own story into a Christmas love story! With Corgis! Tasha Tudor used them in her Christmas pictures. You, being the wonderful writer that you are, could just embellish... small craft shop girl meets lumberjack man (always in plaid) and they both own corgis or something like that. She's being threatened by the big Craft stores of being put out of business, but the lumberjack guy comes to her aid...he recognizes talent and falls in love. BUT he is hired to tear down trees in a lot where they first met walking the dogs, so they can put in another super Craft Store. Of course he decides not to and helps save the woods, gets the girl and everyone lives happily ever after with a wedding on Christmas! You could have the set be all of your cute folksy stuff...oooooh I'm in love with this already!!!!

The real question is, why do we watch these movies? I watched "A Boyfriend for Christmas" last weekend and acted a little like I was watching po*n or something. Every time someone would come into the room, I would quickly change the channel. But, I couldn't stop watching. I love cheesy movies!

Ahhhh. So refreshing to find that people admit to liking those cheesy movies. I have to watch them "secretly" when my husband isn't home because he will tease me MERCILESSLY if he ever finds out! LOL He will, however, agree to watch "White Christmas" with me ONCE every season, usually while we're putting up the tree so he has adequate distraction when all the singin' and dancin' starts.

First-time commenter (I think).

Anyways, this list is awesome. I am glad you love Fa-La-La-La-Lifetime as much as I do.

Awesome post!

Now that was funny!

heee! so true! This list had us in stitches here.

Don't forget about the MOST important element of a holiday movie... It all works out in the end. A holiday movie isn't a holiday movie unless the good people are happy in the end, and the bad people are either unhappy or have become good.

That is hilarious. I think any of those would make for a great watch!

Let's see...I'm picturing this set in the 40s. Capra-esque.

1. Soldier, sailor, or marine
2. A character who absolutely hates Christmas due to some past loss. Loss occuring around Christmastime.
3. A character, unlucky in love, who returns home to find their high-school sweetheart conveniently unmarried.
4. A cottage industry/family business in danger of being put out of business by big-box store/urban development/greedy coporation.
5. Miracle snow.

ok, the visual of a guy in a santa suit being chased by hundreds of other guys in santa suits may be the funniest thing ever. whatever else you choose, that element MUST be included!

Did you see the one where Kristen Davis gets hit by a car and killed on Christmas Eve rescuing a runaway shih tzu from the cold streets of Boston? And that was how it STARTED. I think it might be the only holiday movie I've ever seen with a morgue scene.

(It did have a sketchy looking angel, but he wasn't homeless, he was a locksmith.)

Man, oh man this would be a mini series for TV! haha! Too funny- I think you included them all.

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About

My name is Alicia Paulson
and I love to make things. I live with my husband and daughter in Portland, Oregon, and design sewing, embroidery, knitting, and crochet patterns. See more about me at aliciapaulson.com

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Since August of 2011 I've been using a Canon EOS 60D with an EF 18-200mm kit lens and an EF 100mm f/2.8 Macro lens.