It Looks Different

I got a new camera yesterday, a Fuji S9100. Don't ask me why I got that one. I went to the camera store and said, "Hi, I'd like to take a photo that I can print out at 8 x 10, and I don't have a lot of money." And the guy said, "This can do that, you'll like it." Done. This is how I make major purchases. I like to get them over with as quickly as possible. I research afterward — buyer's remorse seems more comfortable, somehow, than making the decision, but I seldom have remorse. I don't feel like I deserve to, since I put so little effort into the choosing. Nevertheless, what I do do is, you know, ask the right people. But don't you ask me, because I am not one of those people. Okay.

So, I got the camera home and circled it warily. Then I sat down and read the manual. No seriously, I really did. I didn't understand the manual, but I read the manual. I was completely afraid of the camera, which is big and black and looks very professional, and has a million buttons and dials on it. To me, there are two kinds of cameras — small and silver, big and black. Now, you know how much I love my small and silver one. I really really love it. It's a Canon PowerShot A80. I set it on "portrait" mode, grab my focus point, and shoot, many times a day, with happy, rosy results. Whatever's happening inside that little beast when it's on "portrait" mode is good for me. I don't know exactly what it is, of course (nor do I really want to), but I know I like it.

These photos were all taken yesterday afternoon — a very rainy, hail-y, gloomy afternoon — as I just went around and snapped things with the new big black. I kept turning all the dials this way and that, quite nervously, like some kind of cartoon character using a cartoon camera. I just wanted to get one good shot, even accidentally, just so I would know it was possible. I figured that if I had the one good shot, I could determine how to get it again later, but at least I would know if was possible.

It's kind of amazing how much a part of my vocabulary the language spoken by that camera, the Canon, has become. I feel really comfortable with it, or rather, with what I do with it. It is able to do much more than what I do with it. But nevertheless, I don't feel it's melodramatic to say that that camera actually changed my life. When I got the Canon in 2005, I really felt like I had been given a whole new medium of expression. It was just a nicer, easier camera than any I'd had. And it was amazing to suddenly have a whole new . . . vehicle, I guess. And it just didn't feel hard to take a good photo with that thing. But it must have been hard, the first day. It must have been.

Of course, I've always been much more interested in the thing I am taking a photo of than I am the technical part of how it comes to be. So when I found something that worked, I just did it over and over and over again, allowing the subject to change, not the method. I liked the idea of little, clear things rising to the surface, like bubbles. Just for a second, they're clear, then bloop.

I shot all these without a tripod or anything, just walking around. You may not be able to tell, but to me, these photos look really different than what I am used to taking with small silver. It became obvious pretty quickly that I was uncomfortable with this new thing. It can do so much more than I'm used to. Or rather, there are more choices for me to make; to make them, I need to know a lot more than I do. I resolve again to be a person who can happily change and expand, though I am so often inclined to stay curled up, like the fiddlehead fern, or a pill bug. It's very immature, and something I really don't like about myself. It's fear, I guess.

Yeah, all this, and I just want to get the fracking Fuji to focus. I want to take a picture, but apparently what I need is actually therapy. Grrreat. Welcome to my life.

Comments

[Lilli]

These photos already look great, Alicia, which means you can only go up from here. You'll have a lovely journey of discovery, and we'll enjoy it with you. Congratulations on taking that leap into the unfamiliar. You're my heroine :)

[Amber]

Or, welcome to all of our lives. Isn't it all that way? I need therapy for every knit stitch I can't figure out, for every time I've forgotten to put the mail in the box. Le Sigh.

[Beth]

You apparently buy like I do. You know I could do research, but what the heck do I know? Unless it is fabric, yarn, or sewing machines.. ummm... well, better left to the professionals : ) I think your pictures turned out pretty good considering you where just fiddling around. But I do understand. I just got a new cell phones that does way more than I need... but hey, I can make and take calls and send text messages : ) What more do I care?!

[Kathleen]

Actually I think those pics look really good. Using my camera nad posting them has been major productions for me for some reason. I've been off line and very quiet thinking about Virginia too. I have a son in college in that age group and its going to take a while to get past the grief.

[kate]

great photos! it took me months to get the guts to buy my camera

[Dawn]

This sounds so similar to my experience a month ago...after purchasing a camera upgrade. I was so used to my other one..and the new one had so many bells and whistles that I was a bit overwhelmed. I am still learning all that this one does.
I just want to take better photos. It's a process for this ol' mimi to learn.
Loved your photos today. Your blog is a regular stop for me.

[Laura]

I think the photos are wonderful! I received a new camera (my first digital) at the holidays and am so in love with it. (Mine is a Sony DSC-H2). I don't know why I ever used anything else, and I barely know HOW to use it. But I try a little each day...
Take care.

[Suzanne]

I think your photos look marvelous. I recently got a big black camera (mine's a Sony), too, and am still trying to figure it out. I want to be good at it RIGHT NOW, but need to remember that there are lots of things I'm good at, but I didn't get that way overnight.

[Michael]

The photos are great! Really, they are. It's just like anything else, you'll need to spend some quality time with "big black" and become good friends. I want a new camera too. I don't NEED one, but ... I was at Target the other day and picked one up. Yikes! That's all it took. Now I feel like I have to have one. It was big and black and covered with dials and buttons too. I've been bitten by the shutter bug. :-)

[Nana]

The photos with the new camera already look great! The camera is a great "tool", but it's the photography with that special "eye" to take great photos, and Alicia, you've got it! You can make even cleaning out the refrigerator look artistic! :)

[meg]

ha! i feel the same way. about both decision making + my camera (and the way i haphazardly take pictures without knowing what any of the settings mean). i do resolve to read the manual at some point (with a glossary handy).

[Sharon]

You cracked me up, Alicia! I am so apprehensive about anything that has to do with technology--just tell me how to do what I need to do to get the best results and I'll do it! I have never even USED a digital camera--don't tell anyone. Your pictures are great, I love your blog, and...um...is that last picture a teapot with roses?????????????
::sigh::

[abby]

I think it is completely fair to say a camera changed your life, I know it did for me! I love, love the last shot of the teapot-too amazing. I can't wait to see the new shots and styles with this camera. Hope you are having a good day-
abby

[katef]

I think the photos look amazing, actually. I love that they capture that cool Oregon light but are still crisp and clear. My old powershot certainly doesn't do well under mediorcre lighting conditions.

I just emailed you about a cool crochet art project...

[Michelle]

I think you're really brave (? seems like the wrong word, but it's all I've got right now) to get a new camera, especially after you've had such amazing results with the Canon. I love my technology, but once I figure it out, I am loathe to move on and "upgrade." I get new computers thrust upon me while I'm kicking and screaming, and I swear I'm not letting go of this one that I got last February.

Good luck and have fun with your new Fuji. I was just telling my husband the other day that I wanted to get the camera you had, and he gently said, "It's not her camera, honey, it's her eye." So there you go.

[dawna]

i think these photos are great! i especially love the chandelier and the teapot shots.... great work!

[stephanie s]

your new photos are very nice but they are different than the photos taken with the canon. less bright i would say. i suppose what will make you decide to love the camera will be it if allows you to express who you are, but not change yourself to suit it. those are always the hard decisions; new things that cause you to reconsider who you thought you were... be that a camera or anything else.

[Kim]

My first digital was the earlier version of the one you have--the S7000. It's intimidating at first to have all the new options, but I LOVED it after a while. (So much that I actually recently went and bought a big honking Digital SLR so that maybe eventually I can start a photography business--It's funny how we find our true loves.) Anyway, you have a good "learner" camera that is going to be able to do a lot more than a regular point and shoot. I think the new photos look really nice! If you're worried about the brightness, just watch your ISO and you'll be fine. Also, the more you can learn to use Aperture and Exposure-Comp modes, the happier your pictures will be. Good luck!

[Erin D.]

Awesome photos! They are very crisp and clear, love that, the color is so good too!

Oh boy do I need to buy a new camera, mine is soooo old! The pics are never crisp, and the colors are washed out. I never realized until I started taking pics of my house and stuff and blogging that I would need such good photos. Now a camera is one of the top things on my wish list to buy, my house colors and stuff look so pretty in real life I want that to translate to film!

Don't be scared, you will soon love it!

[sarah]

at least you read the manual! I'm terrible with technology. I have a sort of "just tell me how to do what I want to do, and don't tell me anything more" relationship with it. I've got blinders on when it comes to possibility.

love the shot of the chandelier, and the postcard - although the light in that one is very different from what I've seen of your other pics - and I've seen a lot! I spent hours yesterday with Posie (and linked blogs), because I was miserably ill and your lovely world is the best comfort around!

[Anamaria]

I think you've just explained why my big black (a Nikon D40) has been sitting in the box since I got it in...January, while my small silver (Canon A620) goes everywhere with me. The big one is intimidating, to me and to the people I photograph. I'm not worthy of it yet.

Your photos, though, are lovely; different, yes, but lovely all the same. See you in therapy.

[maryse]

that's the wonderful thing about digital. you can experiment. and what doesnt' work can easily be deleted. i think your photos look great. you're in the getting to know you phase, but soon, with time, you'll fall in love. i'm still learning new things about the camera i've had since x-mas.

[karla]

great photos
it took me years to purchase my first canon rebel xti but i love it
and the journey it will take me on
enjoy your journey !!!!!

[Wendy]

I own this same fujifilm camera. I just love it. Still learning how to use it though. All your photos turned out beautifully.

[Angel Jem]

There's a depth and richness to these photos; you'll do great!